After reading “10 Reasons it Sucks Being a Guy“, you either wrote me off as a whiny little bitch or you’re considering a sex change. But don’t cut your balls off and get breast implants just yet. It’s time to flip the coin and tell the other side of the story.
You know, the one where boys rule and girls drool. Because from our superior bathroom habits to our big muscles and grizzled good looks, being a dude rocks. Here are ten reasons why.
1. Going shirtless
A shirtless man may warrant staring in the wrong venue, especially if he’s particularly in- or out-of-shape, but not even close to the calamity that ensues the moment a woman goes full frontal. There’d be an 11-car pileup at the end of the driveway if a chick went out to work on her car bare breasted.
When you’re playing shirts vs. skins basketball, remember how lucky you are.
This one may be a little confusing at first glance. Guys shave all the time. Maintaining your man mane can be a real pain. Editor’s note: We sincerely apologize for that terrible rhyme. But what would you rather shave every few days…your face or your legs? I’m not even sure I understand the basic logistics behind taking a razor blade to your calves so let’s leave that one for the ladies and pro swimmers to figure out.
3. No vagina
Sure, we all love a good vagina. Doesn’t mean we want to have them. First of all, imagine feeling like shit for a week out of every month because there’s blood spilling out of your private areas. Periods are annoying enough as it is without having one of my own.
On top of that, miniature human beings come out of them. Oh yeah, sometimes they really smell, too. So next time you’re touching yourself, let your penis know how much he means to you.
You can barely stand having to ask for directions; imagine not being able to open a pickle jar without help. Thus is the plight of women. Combine that with your height advantage and you can grab that box of random shit on the top shelf of the closet without a step ladder, unlike your female counterpart.
A man’s strength is one of the inherent biological advantages of being a male and one of the aspects that truly makes us who we are.
5. Prep time
If you’ve ever had a girlfriend (an attractive one at least), you know women can literally spend an entire day getting ready for a two hour date. Nothing wrong with that, ladies. We love it when you look good. But I’d probably shoot myself if I had to spend an hour straightening my hair before going out to dinner.
I don’t think most men have considered how lucky we are that messy hair is actually considered stylish on us. Brush your teeth, throw on some deodorant, and run your hand through your hair and you’re looking sharp.
6. No bra
There isn’t much better than a great pair of boobs. The catch is, society dictates that they must be held back and under control by bras during daylight hours, whereas even the fellas with man boobs don’t have to wear them.
These strange contraptions made of elastic and wiring can be very uncomfortable for the wearer. From what I’ve heard, of course. I’ve definitely never worn a bra, I don’t know who told you that.
Let’s face it, bitches be trippin’. If you’re ever thought to yourself “why is she so upset” as your significant other throws dishes against the wall because you left the toilet seat up, I’m sure you can relate to this one. Women are emotional creatures, which means the things they do don’t always make sense from your more logical male perspective.
Unfortunately, our rational brain is balanced out by the sex fiend in us. I’m sure most of us could write a novel about the terrible boner influenced decisions we’ve made in the past.
Unless you’ve spent some time in prison, you probably don’t know what it’s like to fear you’re going to be raped. I surely don’t, other than that night I mistakenly stumbled into a gay bar in Detroit at 3:47am wearing a shirt that said “Blow Me”. You can go out running in the middle of the night wearing a speedo and even the most sadistic sexual deviant will not be able to force himself upon you. This is a luxury many women do not have.
9. Standing up to piss
As a guy, the world is your bathroom. In the woods, behind a building, on a roof, or under an overpass, you can comfortably relieve yourself damn near anywhere. Hell, one time I took a leak from the window of a moving car.
The next time you use a public bathroom without having to line the toilet seat with paper to sit down, give yourself a pat on the back…you’re a man. Just try not to get it on the seat or floor, please.
10. Aging gracefully
There’s a saying that goes: “men age like wine, women age like milk”. While I won’t go so far as to call old women spoiled milk, there is a slight resemblance if you squint your eyes. There are ladies who “look good for 50”, then there’s guys like Brad Pitt and Johnny Depp who have remained sex symbols into their later years. Many males actually get better looking as they get