How To Spot and Handle a Bunny Boiler

Some bitches wait until after the relationship is over to unleash a full dose of insanity. Unfortunately, it is a common occurrence for perfectly reasonable girls to turn psychotic after a break-up; luckily, little hints can reveal the secret nature of a bunny boiler before it is too late. This guide reveals the truly nasty nature of a particularly malicious breed of lady. All men should be on guard against the bitter cruelty of a bunny boiler! Don’t be fooled by a fiendish femme fatale; instead, adhere to the wisdom below.

What is a Bunny Boiler?

The terrifying term is derived from Kevin Smith’s 1987 psychological horror exposé, “Fatal Attraction.” Glenn Close plays a villainous tramp named that turns into a raging demon when her heart is broken by Michael Douglas. The embodiment of such wicked cruelty is scathingly captured by her portrayal of Alex. In an attempt to sabotage her heartbreaker’s entire life, this spurned lover eventually kills his prized bunny. The devastating malice can go far further than a dead bunny on the stove; in fact, an original alternate ending featured Close’s character committing a grisly suicide that was staged to look like murder. Her ex-man was hopelessly incarcerated for the violent crime of passion.

As Alex coldly demonstrates, a timidly chaste demeanor during the entire course of togetherness means nothing when a break-up can lead to a personality overhaul. When this monstrous dual identity emerges, anything you cherish is fair game to the vindictive bunny boiler. Prized possessions will be annihilated in an unexpected bout of passive aggressive fury. To one of these devious skanks, every personal friendship can be a proverbial bunny in the boiler.

How to Spot a Bunny Boiler

Disturbingly, a key trait of most bunny boilers is a quaint facade of demure timidity. An aura of innocently casual coolness makes their bunny boiling tendencies almost undetectable. Only trained eyes can see through the disguise. Here are the prominent warning signals to look for:

If there are no traces of amicable former lovers, then be wary. She may have boiled their bunnies! Similarly, search for indications of jilted lovers. Any overly angry exes are also a bad sign, especially since a calmly reserved lady would seemingly not have done anything to warrant such extreme negative reactions. Tattoo cover-ups can flaunt unstable obsessions and irrationally impulsive decisions.

A lack of any substantial friend circle is another fateful red flag. This means that no one sticks around for very long once they learn her wicked ways. A refusal to join social media websites also displays unexplained paranoia that may stem from simmering some rabbits in the past. An open disregard for animals is another important sign. There is no overlap between animal lovers and bunny boilers, so callous reactions to pets may represent unnoticed psychopathic tendencies.

How to Deal with Bunny Boilers

First off, lock up Fluffy when you finally make the break! Otherwise, you may end up with a crispy fillet mignon. Seriously, put all pets in a kennel or with trustworthy friends. Make sure their whereabouts are kept unknown!

Consult law enforcement authorities, and collect ample amounts of evidence. Install extra security cameras to bolster the case against the psychotic bitch. Be prepared to take the case in front of a judge if she crosses any lines. Prosecute all instances of threats, trespassing, harassment, vandalism and violence. Keep in mind that metaphorical bunnies may arise in the form of fake pregnancy claims, false rape accusations and the seduction of friends. Change all locks, and be ready to move to a new home quickly.

Finally go public! Share your story of trauma to create a major social stigma surrounding the bunny boiler. This journalistic route will protect other potential victimized lovers from her fury. Make her name synonymous with bunny boiler on all the major search engines! After everything else, join the witness protection program if necessary. This woman is simply not a joke!

2 thoughts on “How To Spot and Handle a Bunny Boiler

  1. There are those who legitimately don’t participate in social media, merely because they never got on the bandwagon. Sometimes the worst of it is when they hijack your online presence, and trash your life far worse…and it’s total identity theft. The police refuse to investigate these crimes, because the bunny boiler evens scares them! Remember, a bunny boiler will do whatever it takes to destroy everything around you, and then come for you personally. The ultimate form of destruction is to shame, defame, and humiliate that person, so that there is no longer any public standing…then it’s unnoticed when she slits your throat, because no one will care anymore. The public don’t even believe it’s happening, because it’s too scary to accept that there are some really sick people out there. Like when you get engaged, and the woman has her dress waiting in the closet! RUN.

  2. As much as I chuckled from the start of this article, I was truly kacking myself by the end- it’s frighteningly accurate – the no long term friends and initial quiet demure facade are the real warning signs. Moving from state to state or country to country would be indicative also.

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